8.6.10

So much has changed in between the time I wrote last. I guess I haven't been so consistent with my writing but there has just been so much spiraling around in my head over these past few months, actually these past two years actually when I think about it properly.

The 31st of May '10 was the worst day of my life. My Dad passed away after a very long fight against cancer, his second time to have it in 2 years. My Dad was such a strong man, the man of the house, the perfect husband and the ideal father. He loved us all dearly and we loved him back very much. My Dad died at home, in his bed, peacefully with all his family around him. I ran out of the room crying, not even crying, roaring, sobbing, wailing. Yeah, wailing I think is the right word. My whole world had fallen apart and the only man who had ever loved me for me was now gone.

As sad as that day was it and the days previous and after showed me what a great family we have behind us and also what great friends I have, even the ones that don't live near me. It's amazing what a small text, email or phone call can do from the ones who couldn't be here and even more amazing what a nod if the head or a hug can do from the ones who were here. I cherish the people I have in my life and Know now who my real friends are, when the shit hit the fan, they were the ones forcing their way through, whether I wanted them to or not. They knew I needed them even when I didn't or couldn't say.

Yesterday was Sunday. My Dad was big into fishing and got myself, my sister and my Mam involved in it throughout the years. My uncle is also big into the fishing as well and yesterday my uncle organised a day's fishing in my Dad's honour and Din, my uncle, fished in my Dad's favourite spot. It was lovely and so calming, my sister, Mam and myself went down with the intention of not staying too long but we looked and we'd spent 7 hours on the bank. It brought back memories from my childhood and it was so good to see all the family get involved, whether they could fish or not. We're going to do this every year on the June bank holiday weekend.

My Dad would have been 52 this Sunday, the 13th of June. That day is going to be hard but we'll hopefully get each other through it. My birthday is also next week and that's going to be equally as hard. It's going to be hard to know he wont be here to celebrate with me. My Dad died Monday and in the space of 2 weeks he hasn't been here for 2 things already, my exam results which I got on Wednesday, the day he was buried and now my 19th birthday, it's hard. Maybe it will get better, maybe.

I miss you and love you Dad.



You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
Or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he's gone,
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he'd want;
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.