i'm not even sure why i'm doing this. i'm not the type of person to broadcast my feelings on very public mediums like this but it's late and i really nedd to get some feelings out and i'm pretty sure the only one that's awake is the one that i don't wan to talk to...
now i'm at a loss as to what to say. i had so much buzzing around my head before this but now that i'm here and actually typing i don't know what to say. there's so much of me that wants to scream and shout and throw things around the room because of everything that's going on over this past year. there's so much of me that wants it all to go away and then more of me that wants it all to go back how it was.
more and more recently i've just been thinking about being a kid and how much easier it was, how we didn't understand things and in a way it made everything so much easier and we approached things with little fear and without wondering what might happen after. i miss being a kid. i miss that feeling when i was on a swing, nothing was better than when i was being pushed on a swing. the ecstasy and the excitement flowing through me as i was pushed higher and higher. i swear back then i touched the sky. i could do anything then and i wasn't afraid. i wasn't even afraid of falling off because i knew someone would be there to catch me or if not, to at least kiss it better and tell me it'd be ok, that one day i'd be able to do it.
well i eventually conquered that swing, with many bruises to show for my effort. i wonder now though, are things in life as easy as conquering that swing? at the time it didn't seem easy i guess but at least it seemed fun. i miss when problems were as easy and fun as that swing...